How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
