She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
