just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
