Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
