so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
