is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
