I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
