A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
