my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
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She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
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You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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