I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
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I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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