"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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