I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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