and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
