Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
