just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize