She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
