And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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