his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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