My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
