I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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