i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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