That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
