Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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