the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
