he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
there's paper in my vomit.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
