Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
