I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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