somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
