i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
