i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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