I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
