Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
