I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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