Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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