at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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