New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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