he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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