I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize