there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
