The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
