It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
