don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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