I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
