goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
