We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
