Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize