To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
