it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
