I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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