Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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