Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
