overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
