I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
