I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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