A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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