dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I want to fling myself into the sun
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
