He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
