hotel room ftw
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
