I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
