Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
