Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
