I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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