The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Houston, we have a squirter
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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