I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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