I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
