im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize