remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
