Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
