ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
