There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
