My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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