I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
