I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Randomize
