You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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