He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
