Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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