What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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