I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
