can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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